Shinigamis Vs Spiders
by RAHbooks
Summary: Our favorite and least favorite Shinigamis along with a few Arrancars and humans face off against the most feared creatures in any world: spiders! One-shot series. Requests accepted.
1. Ichigo

**My sister and I were just goofing off, talking about how different Shinigami would react to spider and I thought it would make a funny fanfic so here it is. It is a one-shot series instead of an actual story, so updates might not be very regular. My updates for chapter fics have not been very regular lately. Anyway, I hope you find it funny, and that I don't make anyone to OOC.**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Bleach…well I would probably be writing this anyway since it wouldn't fit in the actually manga, but that's beside the point. The point is that I do not own Bleach so what I would do if I did really doesn't matter because I'm not going to do it because I don't own Bleach.**

**Ichigo**

Ichigo Kurosaki sat at the desk in his room, trying to do homework, and hoping a hollow was not going to appear any time soon. Keeping up with school was hard enough without having to deal with those.

Suddenly heard screams from his sister's room. "Rukia!" he shouted, snatching his combat pass and leaping out of his body. If she was screaming it had to be something truly horrifying.

Not wanting to waste any time he sunped to his sister's room and stopped in the doorway, Zangetsu already in his hand.

Yuzu was clutching Rukia on the other side of the room. There was nothing else in sight. "Would someone tell me what the hell all that screaming was about?" Ichigo demanded. Rukia nodded toward a spot on the floor. Ichigo stepped further into the room and bent over to see it better. "What the hell? You can fight Hollows but you freak out over a spider?"

"Hey, I only screamed because Yuzu screamed and grabbed me! She startled me, that's all."

"Get it, Ichi-nii" Yuzu whimpered huddling closer to Rukia.

Ichigo stood up straight, "I'm a Shinigami, I don't do spiders."

"Well someone has to get it," Rukia pointed out.

Karin came into the room, pushed past Ichigo, and stepped on the spider. "There, problem solved," she announced and left.

**Hopefully they will get better. Review and let me know what you thought and if there are any characters you specifically want to see face a spider. They don't all have to be Shinigami, that was just the best option for a title. Also let me know If I spelled any Japanese names or words wrong, I'm just starting in the Bleach fandom and I'm not sure of all that stuff.**

**Thanks and prayer,**

**Rahbooks**


	2. Nanao

**Ok, Nanao requested by Emerald Tsukino. I'm not very familiar with Nanao, so I hope I got her right. Anyway, that's why it took me so long to get this up. Hope you enjoy it!**

**Disclaimer: Fanfiction. The clue is in the title. (Quote from **_**The Color of Magic **_**by Terry Pratchett)**

**Nanao**

Lieutenant Nanao Ise was looking for her captain. Again. While carrying a huge pile of paperwork and a clipboard. She was determined that Captain Kyoraku was going to get it done even if she had to watch him as if he were a child doing home work. After searching through the Eighth Division there was only one place left, so she made her way to the roof.

Sure enough he was there, laying back with his straw hat covering his face. Nanao marched over to him and reached out to snatch off his hat when something on it moved. Gasping she drew back quickly. Holding tightly to her stack of paperwork she leaned forward to see what had caused he alar-surprise.

Crawling happily among the straws that made up her captain's hat was a spider. Drawing in a breath the Lieutenant adjusted her hold on the paperwork and slammed it clipboard side down onto the spider—and her captain's face—with as much spiritual force as she could pack into the blow. She straightened, adjusted her glasses, and gathering whatever dignity she had remaining, left her captain to recover.

A few hours later Shunsui woke up, rubbing his head. "Did I really drink _that_ much?"

**Well hope it was funny! I just really liked that image of her smacking him.**

**You would think that over Christmas break I would have more time to write and get stuff posted, but with everyone home at once and three quarters of the family wanting the only computer in the house it's quite the opposite. Hopefully I'll be able to write ahead on some of my longer stories so that when I can get on the computer long enough to type them updates will be more regular. Until then, they might have to wait a bit longer to get updated.**

**Well all that's left to say now is please review and merry CHRISTmas!**

**Thanks and prayer,**

**RAHbooks**


	3. Nel

**So this one is Nel, requested by Leixym. I couldn't decide whether to her as a child or Espada so I did both. They both turned out pretty short so I'm posting them as one chapter. Hope it was worth the wait. I'm so horrible at keeping up with updates! Although if you read that prologue for Phoenix I posted **_**ages**_** ago I am about to get back to that. A month at the most I think, and that's playing it safe. I just want to get a bit further ahead with what's written so I can update regularly and my sister, Essiefairy needs to start posting her story because there are some minor references to it and I want readers to be able to look it up. You should be able to understand without it, but she hasn't got much posted and doesn't have reviews from anybody but me on the story she does which she didn't finish because of that, so I'm advertising. OK enough of that. I don't own Bleach. Enjoy my insanity.**

**Nelliel Tu Odelschwanck**

**Espada**

Third Espada Nelliel Tu Odelschwanck paused in her fight with Nnoitora. A big, hairy spider was crawling across the sand. Nelliel raised her sword and thrust the point through the thickest part of the spiders body. When she raised her sword again it was stuck on the end, legs twitching.

Nelliel squealed, and started swinging her sword around randomly, trying to dislodge the horrifying creature.

"What the hell woman? What are you doing?" Nnoitora demanded. Suddenly the spider flew off Nelliel's sword, bounced off Nnoitora's eye patch, and landed in the sand where it finally curled up and stopped moving. Nelliel sighed and lowered her sword. "Shall we continue?"

**Child**

Little Nel snuggled against Bawabawa's side, trying to get to sleep. A movement in the sand caught her eye. A big, hairy spider was crawling towards her.

"Pesche, Dondochackka! Help!" she screamed tears and snot running down her face.

"What? What is it? What's going on?" Pesche exclaimed, jumping to his feet and looking around wildly.

"Danger! Attack!" Dondachackka cried, jumping up as well.

The two panicked and started running around randomly until they slammed into each other.

"Hey, what's going on?" Pesche demanded, looking around in confusion.

'Yeah, where's the danger?" Dondachackka wondered, looking around as well. Bawabawa raised his head and bellowed in confusion.

"It's right there!" Nell cried, pointing. 'It's a huge, hairy, horrible, spider!'

Pesche chuckled, "Oh is that all?" he picked up the spider, wound his arm back, raised a leg and threw it like a pitcher at a baseball game. It either landed a long way off or got eaten by a small bird-like Hollow, he wasn't sure which.

"Oh, good," Nel sighed, sucked up her snot, leaned into Bawabawa and was asleep in seconds.

**Well I think I took care of everything that needed to be said in the top note, so all that's left for this one is I hope you enjoyed, and please review.**

**Thanks and prayer,**

**RAHbooks**


	4. Chapter 4 Captian Hitsugaya

**Well, I'm back! Please don't kill me for taking so long! I'm posting for Phoenix today too, and I've written ahead so hopefully such a long wait won't happen again. I didn't get any suggestions for this chapter so I picked Captain Toshiro Hitsugaya, partly because he's one of my favorites, but also to promote my sister's new story High School for Toshiro. If you're a Hitsugaya fan who likes to see him humorusly tortured you should check it out. Basically he gets so stressed out that he loses his temper in a captain's meeting and gets grouned in the World of the Living where he has to go to high school and just happens to share classes with Karin Kurosaki (There may be some Hitsukarin hints, but I'm not sure how far it will actually go.). This story isn't really connected to it, it's just for fun.**

**Captain Hitsugaya**

Captain Toshiro Hitsugaya of Company Ten was lying on the roof, staring up at the stars. He and Lieutenant Matsumoto were staying with Orihime Inoue while on assignment in the World of the Living. Rangiku and Orihime were both inside; he had decided to stay out of the way and let them have some "girl time". He had considered staying with Sado, at least the giant was quiet, but he felt he needed to say near his lieutenant. Someone had to keep an eye on her and Orihime was too nice to tell her how far was too far; at least he could keep her in line. Sort of.

Suddenly a piercing scream shattered the night's silence. _That was Rangiku! _The young captain leapt out of his gigai and flew down to the window. He couldn't sense the presence of any hollow, but Rangiku was standing too close to the window for him to clearly see what was happening. He did catch a glimpse of Orihime's face and she looked terrified. Something was definitely wrong.

Captain Hitsugaya went the rest of the way down to the ground and opened the door, glad for once that Orihime had left it unlocked. He quickly made his way to the room his lieutenant was in. he unsheathed Hyorinmaru as he burst through the door. He quickly scanned the room for whatever enemy had caused the alarm and froze. No hollow. No arrancars. No anything. Just two surprised-looking women.

"What happened? Why did you scream?" he demanded, his glacier glare tellin them that the answer had better be good. Wordlessly Rangiku pointed to something on the floor. He sheathed Hyorinmaru and knelt next to the spot.

"Careful!" Raniku blurted. Toshiro shook his head and leaned forward to see more clearly. There on the floor was a small creature with eight hairy legs.

"A bug? You panicked over a bug?" No one said anything. Suddenly the boy captain burst out laughing. Rangiku's eyes widened, she couldn't remember ever hearing her captain laugh.

After he got the laughter out of his system he scooped up the spider and stood. "Come on, you, I bet these tow are more afraid of you than you are of them!" still chuckling he carried the spider out the door.

**Hope it made you laugh! If you have any charecters you would like to see face down a spider, just let me know in a review (hint, hint). And don't forget to check out High School for Toshiro by Essiefairy, you should be able to find her on my favorites list.**

**Thanks and prayer,**

**RAHbooks**


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